Awake?

Another sigh escaped my throat in the clinic's waiting room. I looked down at my watch and realized I had been there four hours consumed by the ultimate question.

Am I pregnant?... If I am should I get that abortion thing?...and who is this fuggin' guy?

The man was an Aryan's wet dream in white scrubs. His blond hair swayed in the non-existent breeze as he seemingly drifted toward my chair with an outreached hand. In that hand was a book, no wait, a magazine. A magazine about abortion, one degree from God himself! The filmy sheets slid between my fingers and then finally it was in my confused, post-pubescent grip.

I AM SAVED!

The wistful man nodded down at me with a grand smile. I smiled back, flashing my super-awesome neon pink braces. Then, he spoke.

"One last thing," his voice boomed.

Another man in blue scrubs walked into the waiting room. The angel reached into his pocket, found an m9 pistol and shot him straight in the ear...

And YES, the ear! You know why? Because who bloody shoots someone in the ear?! Nobody, that's who. Nobody but Aryan, pro-life, magazine delivering angels with M9's.

No, Watchtower didn't shoot Dr. Tiller with their blue-eyed henchmen. And I will say, although it is not very often, there are a few things that Jehovah's witnesses understand that I appreciate. Things which are mostly apart from other denominations. For example they consider that maybe an entire planet wasn't made in under a week. Or that maybe anthropologists didn't throw years of study away on carbon dating.

Then all that is quickly forgotten because reading one of their magazines has forced me to gank my cerebrum with a pen.

The title of the first of 4 articles reads,

"Abortion: Not a trouble-free solution."

ORLY? Because I always thought that after a woman has an abortion, later that night the abortion fairy visits you. She'll float over you with her mutated stem cell zombie wings and wave her fairy syringe-shaped wand at you so all your problems will turn into petri dish residual fairy dust.

It continues:

Bill had grown up to believe that abortion was a serious sin, tantamount to murder. But his firm, decades-long stand softened in 1975 when this issue became personal. His girlfriend, Victoria, became pregnant, and Bill could not face the commitment of marriage and parenthood. "I quickly opted for the convenient solution," admitted Bill, "and told Victoria that she had to have an abortion."

According to this it's as though it was a one sided decision, that Victoria was TOLD to have her abortion. And convenient for you, perhaps, Billy! Victoria's going under with blah-milligrams of anesthesia in her system and your drinking "Shatty" ice on your couch thinking about how you got the "easy" way out? And it's not like Victoria pulled five hundred bucks out of her maternity pocket for the procedure. I hear ::shifty eyes:: that on the black market that's worth, well... a baby.

Quoted within:

A 2006 study reviewed the life history of scores of women who became pregnant as teenagers...The study concluded that "childbirth was associated with a lower likelihood of receiving psychological counseling services, less frequent sleep problems, and a lower probability of smoking marijuana when compared to abortion." - Journal of Youth and Adolescence

Logical fallacy (the shock is overwhelming). I would say I was enlightened but I haven't had enough abortions to get me high enough.

Dr. Priscilla Coleman, an expert(?) on mental-health risks of abortion, says in the article that after the abortion is over, " women's cognitive abilities return to normal..."

LULZ.

So essentially you are not thinking straight when you decide to have an abortion. No, it doesn't matter that your uncle decided on your twelfth birthday that your mouth was "perty" when you were blowing out the candles. And if your baby is born, in the process annihilating you from the inside and killing you, you should probably try and think before having it aborted. Oh, even if it dies too, like the leeching symbiote it is.

At what point does Dr. Priscilla mention why or when a woman would lose her cognitive abilities? Not once. Must be when Satan flicks you from pregnant mode to "auto-blend".

Under the title: The miracle of conception... Here a Dr.David Fu-Chi Mark says,

"There can no longer be any doubt that each human being is totally unique from the very beginning of his or her life at fertilization."

Dr. Mark is right. We are all unique at conception. Unique but not viable. Even twins have unique DNA but that doesn't prove life begins at conception. Twins disprove that.

The earliest point in which a zygote can split to make twins is two days after conception although it is usually around eight days. Then who is the twin that gets the soul? You could see which one floats at their baptism and have that one chained in your cellar like a REAL Christian family, but I guess the convenient baseless hope that is faith will suffice.

Awake? Why yes, maybe you should do that so you no longer write articles that make me digitally regurgitate on the inter-webs.